Entry in my spiritual diary
The more I realise, the deeper the nail sinks in my heart! In my soul! Of this deep reality.
When I make myself most handsome, I often attract of the worst sort, most terrible sinners who only desire to know me to use, abuse my resources and me!
When I show my wealth, this tiny amount I have! Whether of body, mind, soul, or looks etc.
Who do I impress? Often those who want to use and abuse and chuck me to the wayside! Into the gutter by the cement pavement figurative in my life.
What good does wealth, boasting, showing off, puffery gain? But bad friendship, and whole sinfulness!
Yes, use advanced words, let us hold onto our patrimony of language! Yes! Debate! Answer!
But be careful who you seek! Those who consider themselves connections of esteem, or worthy of these, tend not to be real connections. Those who consider themselves worthy of trials, of the ostentation morality brings in Mordor! Those who consider their humility while speaking and living so clear an example! These truly shine!
To impress those, besides God, who matter we must obey God's teaching. Greet all in the marketplace of your life, but be quick to withdraw from the sinful leach! Do not feed vanity- neither your own hopes or dreams of power!
I realise I am deeply poor! I have nothing at all! My family loves me, but surely in all history I am not the most loved! I have medical treatment for my serious health problems, but all the treatment in the world cannot postpone death forever nor would I want to. I have a bed, pillows, blanket! I have money! But compared with billionaires I am poor!
Compared with those who make their money selling souls, illusions: I am rich! Compared with the richest Billionaire or more- I am a billion times more wealthy! For if there is no you, there is no money to have, rather money has you!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Charitable; tolerance
Entry by Marc Aupiais
You. Say. God. Is. Kind.
Tolerant. Poor. Senile. Old. Man.
God. Asks. Of. A. Tolerant? Charitable? Man?
God. Asks. Of. You. Man. Woman. Man. Child.
Tolerant? Is that the description. Of a God. Who pierces the marrow between bone and bone flesh.
Tolerant of you. Of your faults. Vanity! Sways.
It lies.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Pride
Entry by Marc Aupiais
I want to respond! To react! So impassioned I am! Though I must not! Rather I must teach! By word and action! Every Christian is never exempt from this teaching!
Pride! Takes many forms! Especially I must warn of one! The pride which says society's morals- the same society God condemns- are right! That we must follow them. Must speak! Act!
Do not do what society says!
The Richness of Heaven on Earth- the Church
Entry by Marc Aupiais
Oh! The horror! The nightmare! These are my thoughts. The very suggestion- by those who adorn their own bodies, their own homes and churches, sports stadiums, courts of law, universities, roads, clubs, institutions. By these who adorn these with wealth- and turn to say that the Emperor of the Universe ought to have none. Do they not realise that Christ came poor to Earth- to show them they had none! Nothing at all of worth!
Heaven's streets are adorned with Gold! Precious jewels are her entrances! But these do not walk her streets!
The church is like a proxy or a lawyer of a trust! Her wealth is God's! And God commands in the Didache: so clearly he says it. "Let your gold sweat in the palms of your hands, when you indeed intend this, it as alms for the poor"! Do not give freely to any! Oh! Dear child! Your soul is so corrupt!
Give only when prudence is your master! Only when you do not harm in giving! Oh! The Corruption that is disguised as charity! In fact all sin is a distortion of Holy Charity. All Sin! Distortion of Divine Love! Not the absence though love cannot exist then, not, the distortion! Improper proportioned.
The Americans and their United Nations organs so in their control through funding, have you not read of or seen the affects of their so called aid- the ravishing of women and economies! The teaching of immorality! The starting of wars! The compassion of the Devil! For he teaches such compassion!
Do not be tricked! God owns all wealth! We are but trustees! His churches are to be beautiful to teach of heaven, for the Eucharist is Heaven on Earth! This is the patrimony of humanity- her churches! And where must this art go- must we rob the poor of seeing it, of being welcomed in! They are kicked from museums, must they be denied any image of God's Church also!
Forget the ways of sinners! Their wealth they horde, even as they give it away! It is to gain some satisfaction not of the Spirit of God! It is self enrichment as they give away not to God, but the devil's cause! By funding causes in actions, words, deeds, and gifts: a life which si death to all! And the destruction of God's image: humanity! Dear Dear Child! Avoid these wicked people!
Oh! The horror! The nightmare! These are my thoughts. The very suggestion- by those who adorn their own bodies, their own homes and churches, sports stadiums, courts of law, universities, roads, clubs, institutions. By these who adorn these with wealth- and turn to say that the Emperor of the Universe ought to have none. Do they not realise that Christ came poor to Earth- to show them they had none! Nothing at all of worth!
Heaven's streets are adorned with Gold! Precious jewels are her entrances! But these do not walk her streets!
The church is like a proxy or a lawyer of a trust! Her wealth is God's! And God commands in the Didache: so clearly he says it. "Let your gold sweat in the palms of your hands, when you indeed intend this, it as alms for the poor"! Do not give freely to any! Oh! Dear child! Your soul is so corrupt!
Give only when prudence is your master! Only when you do not harm in giving! Oh! The Corruption that is disguised as charity! In fact all sin is a distortion of Holy Charity. All Sin! Distortion of Divine Love! Not the absence though love cannot exist then, not, the distortion! Improper proportioned.
The Americans and their United Nations organs so in their control through funding, have you not read of or seen the affects of their so called aid- the ravishing of women and economies! The teaching of immorality! The starting of wars! The compassion of the Devil! For he teaches such compassion!
Do not be tricked! God owns all wealth! We are but trustees! His churches are to be beautiful to teach of heaven, for the Eucharist is Heaven on Earth! This is the patrimony of humanity- her churches! And where must this art go- must we rob the poor of seeing it, of being welcomed in! They are kicked from museums, must they be denied any image of God's Church also!
Forget the ways of sinners! Their wealth they horde, even as they give it away! It is to gain some satisfaction not of the Spirit of God! It is self enrichment as they give away not to God, but the devil's cause! By funding causes in actions, words, deeds, and gifts: a life which si death to all! And the destruction of God's image: humanity! Dear Dear Child! Avoid these wicked people!
Sin and my pain
Entry by Marc Aupiais
My Spirit, my dear dear Spirit! What pain I feel! Her sin, destroys me! So I want to weep and shake, and end all I am! All seems so utterly pointless! All joy! All hope! Anything I can boast of! Nothing! And in all this! I love her and cannot stop my love!
Dear dear soul of mine! I cannot love any less! Only hurt infinitely! And act responsibly! The terrible sins she commits! Oh! The torment for her punishment will be a thousand times that of any other! For the great grave harm she does with such such joy! Imprisoning me in torment, her soul is destroyed!
This the saints warned us of! The torment we would feel for sinners! Unable to help often! But utterly distraught! Especially if we pray constantly! Like a parent or loving husband or wife! Oh! The torment we feel! So great a weight we sink into the universe in depths!
Often I have realised the fate of a sinner! And wept and wept! All the more with One Alone! Who torments me so deeply my soul cannot stand! And I cry out, weep to heavens! I cannot stand this torture! Deeper than my many trials! Which hurt me physically so I cannot stand! But do not destroy my dearest spirit!
Oh! Dear dear God! Must you torment me forever! Must you force me to live, while she destroys her soul! And any friendship we had is put to hardship! And into me such pain! I cannot stand! Such pain I once attempted suicide to stop! Throbbing in my deepest heart! Foolishly I rejected life, for her sins not mine! And often enough! Yet I stay and feel!
Kicked to the curb! And beat a million tons upon my soul! Kicked like a dog! Kicked in the face, spat in the face! By her sins! Which torment me! Destroy me! Stab me, pierce my heart! What pain! What unbearable pain! Why would she do as she does! And cannot I escape her? But I cannot! I try! But yet I sense! Constantly her sins are before me! They make me weep and weep and weep and never stop!
I can distract myself! But I am incapacitated by her! She hurts me in her sins! More than the murder of millions by the American Genocide in Japan, more than any war! Or loss of innocence of our children!
Her sins! Are always before me! I cannot run away! They torment me! And even self mortification and all my prayer! My health! My soul's sacrifice does not help!
Oh! The torment! That I should love her so unconditionally! And be helpless! Floating on this ocean raft! Where I am to feel graphically her every sinful thought upon the earth!
The suicide of body and soul
Entry by Marc Aupiais
Sometimes, my spirit, my plans go awry! Or what God promised seems afar! Today this happened! And driving home, I was sorely tempted to crash into some concrete wall or the dam. A singly though! A nightmarish dilemma of horrors! One possibility! Not even absolute! And what do I do, I panic. Anxiety floods and drowns my veins, arteries, system.
And my plans a-dash against the piles of life! I cannot see how to continue!
It is now I banish the tide of despair! I focus on my breath! On smiling and living gently! I drive! I move forward! I trust God!
On the log in the ocean I cling unto, like that character in some great spiritual novel I have not yet encountered!
God is Reality! The fishbowl in which we exist! Not the fish, not the ocean, not us! But out basis!
God IS! Time is merely a describing of before and after in motion!
God IS! Hold on! Breathe! Kick to hold up on the surface! Let waves wash over you! But focus on breathing! ..that log too! On clinging on! Ignore the waves- soul! Cling to the Soul! The telephone - masterpiece- to God! Our Connection in this horrid exiled extant kind!
Sometimes, my spirit, my plans go awry! Or what God promised seems afar! Today this happened! And driving home, I was sorely tempted to crash into some concrete wall or the dam. A singly though! A nightmarish dilemma of horrors! One possibility! Not even absolute! And what do I do, I panic. Anxiety floods and drowns my veins, arteries, system.
And my plans a-dash against the piles of life! I cannot see how to continue!
It is now I banish the tide of despair! I focus on my breath! On smiling and living gently! I drive! I move forward! I trust God!
On the log in the ocean I cling unto, like that character in some great spiritual novel I have not yet encountered!
God is Reality! The fishbowl in which we exist! Not the fish, not the ocean, not us! But out basis!
God IS! Time is merely a describing of before and after in motion!
God IS! Hold on! Breathe! Kick to hold up on the surface! Let waves wash over you! But focus on breathing! ..that log too! On clinging on! Ignore the waves- soul! Cling to the Soul! The telephone - masterpiece- to God! Our Connection in this horrid exiled extant kind!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Girls, God, friends
Entry by Marc Aupiais
Women are either stronger than any man or deeply weaker. Adam stood almost no chance against Eve, in her request at something so utterly shocking: that he like her commit suicide!
The saints have the best traits of the sexes! Female saints are strong like men ought be! But deeply feminine. They have courage like the wild bear or the lion or hyena!
Men saints! Are truly manly! But beneath have softness! Truth! Truth! Truthly forgiveness!
The true forgiveness is not forgetting truth, but remembering, recognising the now truth! The truth as it truly! Truth!
Focus on your own soul! Or you will never be able to fix any other! First comes your own salvation! Only then can you hope to help not harm any other! When your focus is on you knowing God! Who is the only who truly knows, befriends you ever!
Forget the material, offers of sinners, gifts they offer, if possible! Their friendships are fickle and for gain! God is not so! Nor are spiritual Men and Women!
This is why: sin is often what makes men differ from women! These differences in both will not be solved by lies or sins! They are the punishments of Eden!
The saints are less cursed! Men think less of money! Women less of evil men!
Women are either stronger than any man or deeply weaker. Adam stood almost no chance against Eve, in her request at something so utterly shocking: that he like her commit suicide!
The saints have the best traits of the sexes! Female saints are strong like men ought be! But deeply feminine. They have courage like the wild bear or the lion or hyena!
Men saints! Are truly manly! But beneath have softness! Truth! Truth! Truthly forgiveness!
The true forgiveness is not forgetting truth, but remembering, recognising the now truth! The truth as it truly! Truth!
Focus on your own soul! Or you will never be able to fix any other! First comes your own salvation! Only then can you hope to help not harm any other! When your focus is on you knowing God! Who is the only who truly knows, befriends you ever!
Forget the material, offers of sinners, gifts they offer, if possible! Their friendships are fickle and for gain! God is not so! Nor are spiritual Men and Women!
This is why: sin is often what makes men differ from women! These differences in both will not be solved by lies or sins! They are the punishments of Eden!
The saints are less cursed! Men think less of money! Women less of evil men!
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